50 Funniest Real Events From History Too Hard to Believe

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31 Diogenes

One day Alexander the Great asked the philosopher Diogenes why he was sifting through the garbage, Diogenes responded, “I am looking for the bones of your father but I cannot distinguish them from the bones of his slaves.” Another time, Alexander asked Diogenes, if there was something he could do for him. Diogenes replied, “yes, get out of my sun”. Once when Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds,” Diogenes brought a featherless chicken into Plato’s classroom, saying “Behold! I’ve brought you a man!” Alexander once told Diogenes that if he were not Alexander the Great, he would want to be Diogenes. Diogenes replied, “If I were not me, I too would want to be Diogenes.”

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32 War Chickens

During the Battle of Drepana of 249 B.C., Romans were attempting to take out the Carthaginian naval forces that broke a siege. Roman had “sacred chickens” to determine when the gods favored them. They threw the Chickens some grain, and if they ate, they attacked. Anyway, the commander at Drepana decides to attack, so the Roman commander brings out the chickens and tosses them some grains. The chickens ignore the grain. They don’t even touch it. This is not a good omen. His sailors start to freak out. But he’s determined to attack so he tosses the chickens overboard and says “Let them drink if they don’t want to eat!” It does not go down well with his forces but Romans are disciplined so they do as commanded. Romans ended up getting thoroughly trashed by the Carthaginians in the battle.

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33 Shepherd of the Anus

The first medical literature about the enema is in the Egyptian Ebers Papyrus (1550 B.C.). Their enema specialist was named “Shepherd of the Anus”. Their sole job was to keep the royal butthole healthy. There was also a “Keeper of the Royal Rectum” who was the pharaoh’s enema maker. According to Egyptian mythology, the god Thoth invented the enema.

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34 Chrysippus

A Greek philosopher named Chrysippus died of laughter after getting his donkey drunk and watching it try to eat figs. He was regarded as being stoic most of the time, yet he died of laughter.

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35 Bunny Attack

In 1807, after his victory at Friedland, Napoleon proposed a rabbit hunt to celebrate. He invited the military’s biggest brass and collected a colony of rabbits. Once bunnies were released they didn’t scurry in fright. Instead, they bounded toward him and his men. The attack only ceased after their coach rolled away.

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36 Kettle War

The Kettle War was a brief conflict between the Dutch and the Austrians. There was only one shot fired which hit an Austrian soup kettle. After which the Austrians promptly surrendered.

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37 Easter Rising

During the 1916 Easter Rising, a battle to end British rule over Ireland, there was an hour-long ceasefire each day to allow the park-keeper of St. Stephen’s Green to feed the swans in the park. This ceasefire, however, didn’t stop them from destroying his house, though.

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38 Agonizing Flatulence

Adolf Hitler took 28 different pills for “agonizing flatulence.” Treatment included cocaine, amphetamines, human placenta, strychnine, and atropine. Violent mood swings, euphoria, attention lapses, and erratic behavior were among the noted side effects. His extreme diet, recurring stomach problems (likely psychosomatic) and reliance on quack drug pushers like Morell made life at his dinner table terrible for his guests.

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39 Anal Sampling Mechanism

Anal Sampling Mechanism is a reflex which detects the contents of the rectal vault and allows for voluntary flatulence to occur without unexpected voiding of feces. So yeah, there’s a nerve in your a*s that lets you fart without sh*tting yourself.

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40 Great Molasses Flood

In 1919 a tank containing 2,300,000 gallons of molasses used to sweeten drinks burst during a heatwave, flooding the streets of Boston with molasses traveling 35 mph killing 21 and injuring 150. The event has been called the Great Molasses Flood and for many decades since, residents have claimed that on hot summer days the area still smelled of molasses.

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