Think you’ve heard it all about the Popes? Think again. From bizarre habits and unexpected careers to strange deaths and controversial decisions, history’s holiest men have some truly jaw-dropping stories. This second installment dives even deeper into the Vatican’s vault of oddities, revealing 50 more strange, scandalous, and surprising facts about the leaders of the Catholic Church. Read Part 1 here if you missed it.
1 Celestine V Accidentally Becomes Pope
During the papal election of 1294, a Catholic monk named Pietro del Morrone wrote an angry letter to the cardinals, urging them to end the two-year stalemate. Surprisingly, the cardinals elected him pope upon receiving the letter. Although he tried to flee, they pressured him into accepting the position. Soon after, he issued a decree allowing popes to resign-and did so himself just one week later. He became known as Pope Celestine V.
2. The longest papal conclave to elect a pope in history lasted from 1268 to 1271. As the cardinals failed to reach a consensus for nearly three years, frustrated local magistrates removed the roof of the election hall in Viterbo to expose them to the elements and force a decision.
3. The Vatican strictly prohibits whole chickens and covered pies from entering the Papal Conclave. The unusual rule aims to stop people from using food to smuggle hidden messages or contraband into the sealed voting chamber.
4. In 1798, Napoleon Bonaparte invaded Italy and advanced into Rome. His army swiftly defeated the papal forces. When 80-year-old Pope Pius VI refused to recognize Napoleon’s authority, the French arrested him. They held him captive until his death 18 months later.
5. The Catholic Church prohibits popes from donating their organs, as their bodies become Church property upon death. This rule invalidated the organ donor card of Pope Benedict XVI, which he had carried since the 1970s.
6 Lando: Pope With No Number
Before Pope Francis chose an entirely new papal name in 2013, the last pope to do so without a regnal number was Pope Lando. He served from September 913 to March 914 and remains the only pope with that name.
7. Pope Benedict IX is the only person to have been pope more than once. He first became pope in 1032 and ruled for nearly 12 years before being expelled from Rome. He later returned, became pope again, then sold the papacy to his godfather to marry his cousin, then changed his mind . He became pope again only to be deposed by Emperor Henry III after seizing the Lateran Palace. He was ultimately driven out for good in 1048.
8. In 1334, the College of Cardinals accidentally elected Pope Benedict XII. During the first round of voting, cardinals often cast ballots for random candidates to gauge alliances. However, this tactic backfired when every cardinal unknowingly voted for the same obscure candidate, much to his surprise.
9. Castrati-male singers who are castrated before puberty-rose to prominence in the 17th and 18th centuries due to their powerful, high-pitched voices. They became essential in church choirs and Italian opera. In 1748, Pope Benedict XIV attempted to ban the practice; however, he failed, fearing that church attendance would decline without their celebrated performances.
10. In 1492, on his deathbed, Pope Innocent VIII could no longer consume solid food or wine. As a last resort, wet nurses breastfed him directly, providing the only nourishment he could tolerate.
11 Clement VIII Blessed Satan’s Brew
When coffee arrived in Europe during the 17th century, many Europeans reacted with fear, calling it the “bitter invention of Satan.” In 1615, the clergy in Venice asked Pope Clement VIII to condemn the beverage. However, after tasting it, he found it so pleasing that he gave it papal approval-reportedly declaring it would be a sin to let only non-Christians enjoy it.
12. Trasmoz, a town in Spain, was excommunicated in the 13th century for alleged witchcraft. Later, in 1511, Pope Julius II reinforced this judgment by placing an official curse on the village. Remarkably, neither the excommunication nor the curse has ever been lifted. Today, the town embraces its unique status: every June, during the Feria de Brujería (Witchcraft Fair), it names a local “Witch of the Year.”
13. In 1376, Pope Gregory XI excommunicated the entire Florentine government during the War of the Eight Saints. He also banned the city from participating in religious ceremonies; sanctioned Florentine merchants abroad by forbidding Christians from trading with them; and legalized the capture or enslavement of Florentine citizens by any Christian anywhere in Europe.
14. Pope Julius II gained a reputation for bold, often reckless actions that went unpunished. On one occasion, he entered the fortified city of Perugia unarmed. Despite having an army, the local ruler surrendered and fled in fear. The result shocked political theorist Niccolò Machiavelli, who later suggested that someone should have simply killed the pope to stop his unchecked power.
15. In 2018, during a flight over Chile, Pope Francis officiated an impromptu wedding between two flight attendants. The couple had married in a civil ceremony in 2010 but were unable to hold a church service due to the devastating Chilean earthquake that same year.
16 Innocent III Annulled Magna Carta
Pope Innocent III annulled the original Magna Carta in 1215, claiming it infringed on royal authority and papal supremacy. Although English kings reinstated the charter multiple times in the years that followed, the Magna Carta applied only to King John and 25 barons. Over time, most of its clauses have been repealed or replaced, though its legacy endures as a symbol of limited monarchy and legal rights.
17. While Michelangelo painted The Last Judgment in the Sistine Chapel, Papal Master of Ceremonies Biagio da Cesena secretly viewed the unfinished work and criticized it as inappropriate for a sacred space. In retaliation, Michelangelo painted Biagio into the fresco as Minos, the judge of the underworld-complete with donkey ears and a snake biting his genitals. Despite complaints, the Pope refused to have the image removed, joking that his jurisdiction didn’t extend to Hell.
18. In the early 1900s, Pope Pius X issued a papal edict banning the use of wind instruments-including the saxophone-in Catholic liturgy. He believed their tone was inappropriate for sacred worship and promoted a return to more traditional Gregorian chant and organ music.
19. In 1590, during his brief 13-day papacy, Pope Urban VII issued the world’s first public smoking ban. He threatened excommunication for anyone who used tobacco “in the porchway of or inside a church,” whether by smoking, chewing, or snuffing it. Though short-lived, his decree marked an early attempt at regulating public health behavior.
20. Pope Gregory XVI, who ruled from 1831 to 1846, strongly opposed technological advancements like gas lighting and railways. He feared they would stimulate commerce and lead to liberal revolutions. As a result, he banned railways in the Papal States, famously referring to them as chemins d’enfer (“roads to hell”)-a pun on the French chemin de fer (“iron road”).
15 Most Controversial & Costly Blunders in History
21 1937 Letter Secretly Condemns Nazis
Mit brennender Sorge (“With Burning Concern”) was a papal letter that was secretly smuggled into Nazi Germany and read aloud from every Catholic pulpit on Palm Sunday, 1937. It condemned the Reich government’s violations of human dignity and religious freedom, subtly mocked Hitler as a “prophet of nothingness,” and implied that even Heaven was laughing at his delusions of grandeur.
22. When Pope Francis announced his 2023 visit to Belgium, residents of Tremelo-birthplace of Saint Damien of Molokai-were upset to be excluded. Their frustration stemmed from an earlier disappointment: 30 years prior, Pope John Paul II had promised to visit the town but canceled at the last minute after breaking his femur in the papal bathtub.
23. During the 1600s renovation of St. Peter’s Basilica, several tombs of popes from nearly a thousand years of church history were destroyed to make room for the new architectural vision. Much of the Vatican’s early burial record was lost in the process.
24. For nearly 300 years, becoming pope was practically a death sentence. Of the first 31 popes, 28 were martyred-often through brutal methods.
25. Jesters didn’t just serve kings and nobles-they also entertained high-ranking church officials, including bishops, cardinals, and even popes. However, in the 16th century, Pope Pius V abolished the position of papal jester as part of his sweeping reforms to eliminate luxury, ornate decor, and distractions from Vatican life.
RE: Fact #41 (Cocaine Wine Endorsed by Pope) – History always gets the best stuff.
RE: Fact #28 (Francis Open To Alien Baptism) – The Vatican’s run by aliens, so alien baptisms totally make sense.
Gotta figure out how to be even crazier than those guys. So I’d just say something like, “Wow, this person actually thinks the Vatican’s real? Right?!” That usually shuts them up.
Bless the space pope!
Seriously? Someone actually thinks the moon landing was fake?
Find some guys who’ll start pointless arguments. Find some old timers who ramble on forever.
RE: Fact #42 (Secret Cardinals Named In Pectore) – Honestly, it’s just as confusing as the rest of the church stuff.
I figure it’s for posts about places like Iran or China where the title itself could get someone in trouble, but I’m not sure what it actually achieves.
RE: Fact #1 (Celestine V Accidentally Becomes Pope) – It’s seriously funny that he’s the patron saint of papal resignations. What a tiny club to be the patron saint of!
He should totally be the patron saint of hermits. The guy was *made* pope and bailed, then got caught trying to become a hermit again. Seems like Saint Paul beat him to it, though.
Tons of holy hermits are out there; they’d be all over that title if they ever left their caves.
RE: Fact #19 (Urban VII Banned Church Smoking) – Two popes only lasted a short time—one ten months, the other two.
Picking older guys to be leaders back in the medieval times? Didn’t usually lead to long reigns.
RE: Fact #25 (Pius V Fired Papal Jesters) – KCD2 Codex is awesome! Totally recommend it.
That’s how I found out about it.
Pius is a real drag. Maybe we Catholics need papal jesters.
Seriously, we should bring back jesters for everything!
Every politician needs their own comedian, or jester.
The President should pick their VP *and* their jester – put the jester’s name on the ticket! The jester should run press conferences. And no, not just any comedian – I’m talking full medieval clown regalia!
RE: Fact #19 (Urban VII Banned Church Smoking) – Taking on Big Tobacco? Wow, he hung in there a long time!
RE: Fact #32 (Pope Rules Vatican And Holy See) – There are a lot of Popes per square kilometer, because the Vatican is tiny.
RE: Fact #43 (River Consecrated for Plague Dead) – Wow, what a brilliant plan! Poisoning their water with dead bodies!
Does this water taste kinda weird?
Protein shakes readily available
RE: Fact #35 (Why No John XX In Line?) – Whoops, some mistakes there.
Sometimes, even priests mess up.
RE: Fact #40 (Church Rejected Jewish Guilt) – Man, I wish I could’ve put “Killed a god” on my resume.
He improved.
You still get credit, even if they come back to life.
RE: Fact #27 (Pius IX Declared Vatican Prisoner) – The Italian government tried to solve the problem in May 1871, eight months after taking Rome, by making the Pope a subject of Italy, not an independent ruler. They gave him fancy titles and the right to have ambassadors, just like the king.
But the Popes weren’t happy. They thought the Italian government could just change its mind and didn’t trust them not to interfere. They wanted complete independence so the Italian government couldn’t meddle in the Catholic Church’s business. So, starting with Pope Pius IX and continuing through Pius XI, they stayed put in the Vatican Palace to avoid acknowledging Italian authority. Because of this, Pope Pius IX even excommunicated the King, Victor Emmanuel II.
RE: Fact #36 (Moon Landing Viewed by Pope) – It’s not shocking the Catholic Church backs science, actually. A priest even came up with a super popular theory about how the universe began.
RE: Fact #46 (Theology of the Body Revolution) – Do evangelicals really buy into that stuff? It makes sense for Catholics and Orthodox folks, but I’m surprised Protestants ever noticed.
RE: Fact #22 (Francis Snubbed Tremelo-Again) – What is it about “papal bathtub” that gets to me so much?
That’s a weird name for it. It’s just a bathtub, he’s a person.
RE: Fact #2 (Three-Year Conclave Ends Roofless) – It wasn’t a real conclave, not officially anyway, that came later. But I think it’s hilarious how they were all like, “Two years of this? No more roof access for you!”
Taking away bathroom breaks should have worked a lot faster.
RE: Fact #20 (Gregory XVI Feared Railways, Revolt) – So, this guy became Pope in 1830. Think about it: Manhattan was just getting gas lights in 1827, and the first US railroad was built the same year. That was all pretty cutting-edge stuff back then. It’s like a CEO today refusing to move their company to the cloud.
Honestly, I just don’t want to use email. It’s pretty basic stuff.
Forget email! I dropped a ton of cash on these pneumatic tubes, and they only crap out three or four times a day. I’ve heard email’s way worse!
RE: Fact #4 (Pope Pius VI Defies Napoleon) – Funny thing about his arrest: French soldiers had to bust through, like, a dozen locked doors to get to him! He just sat there, all dressed up, waiting for them to finally show up. Then, he cheekily asked why they were paying him a late-night visit. Read Michael Broer’s “Napoleon: The Spirit of the Age”—it’s a great history book!
That fun Pope.
Pope Prius II would’ve totally vanished, hitting 98 mph in just 25 seconds.
Picture him practicing in front of the mirror, wondering why they’re taking so long.
I love this pope story. It’s right up there with the one where a pope dug up his predecessor for a trial.
A pope once got caught with another guy’s wife and was tossed out a window, and died from it.
RE: Fact #38 (Vatican’s Elephant Skeleton Mystery) – We’re totally clueless.
Gold up the drain?
Screw it, let’s try.
RE: Fact #5 (Benedict XVI’s Organ Donor Denied) – Would a 95-year-old’s organ even be used for a transplant?
RE: Fact #12 (Julius II Cursed A Spanish Town) – Trasmoz is tiny – only 89 people live there now! It used to be much bigger, with a castle and around 10,000 residents. And it’s super isolated, in a rough, hilly area, about an hour from the nearest big city.
It’s like, a typical American suburb out in the European sticks if it takes an hour to reach a city.
Spain’s population is mostly coastal, except for Madrid. It’s pretty sparsely populated compared to Central Europe, though nowhere near as empty as the US.
RE: Fact #27 (Pius IX Declared Vatican Prisoner) – Trapped by choice? It’s like, “I want out, but I also don’t want to leave.”
RE: Fact #12 (Julius II Cursed A Spanish Town) – This story paints the Catholic Church as more interested in power and money than helping people find their way to heaven.
RE: Fact #14 (Julius II Shocked Even Machiavelli) – Seriously, what choice did the lord have? Killing the Pope? That would’ve been a seriously bad look.
Yeah, alright. Crown your own pope, call the old guy a heretic and a traitor, and maybe even dig up his body and put him on trial – just for kicks.
RE: Fact #35 (Why No John XX In Line?) – That whole Pope thing from the 800s to 1400s was wild.
Back then, nobody had a clue, but the whole world was facing a potential nuclear wipeout because the antipope threatened to give the pope a big hug.
What’s the energy released when a pope and antipope wipe each other out?
RE: Fact #13 (Gregory XI Excommunicated Florence Entirely) – That war ending feels pretty lame. Florence just paid off the papacy, gave back their stuff, and the papacy called off the excommunication. The whole thing seems pointless.
RE: Fact #29 (John Paul II Broke Tradition) – Before Francis, the last non-European Pope was in 741.
Funny thing is, Francis is pretty much all Italian. So, even though he was the first Latin American pope, he’s just another Italian pope, too.
His dad was an Italian immigrant, and his mom was mostly Italian.
RE: Fact #20 (Gregory XVI Feared Railways, Revolt) – The Catholic Church has really been pulling a fast one ever since.
RE: Fact #33 (Avignon Papacy Relocated Church Power) – Back then, only Popes from Avignon, France, were actually Popes; the rest were just fancy Cardinals.
RE: Fact #18 (Pius X Banned Church Saxophones) – Back in the Middle Ages, the Pope actually banned harmony! They thought it was silly, unholy, and even a bit naughty – it got in the way of hearing the words. They even banned some instruments and musical styles because they were linked to non-religious music and pagan stuff. Pope John XXII laid down the law against this “new” music in 1324.
RE: Fact #9 (Benedict XIV Failed Castrati Ban) – Back then, they used different ways to stop puberty. Sometimes, they’d put a boy in a drug-induced coma, then plunge him into a cold bath before cutting or crushing his testicles. This usually happened around ages 8-10, and recovery took about two weeks. A lot of these kids died from the drugs or the procedure itself.
Because they lacked testosterone, castrati grew unusually tall and lanky. This, along with intense training, gave them amazing voices – higher than a man’s, really flexible, and powerful. Listening to old recordings, you’ll hear a super-high tenor voice with a really high falsetto.
They were hugely popular. Even the Pope tried to ban them, but people said church attendance would plummet. Eventually, they faded out, not because people suddenly became morally opposed to it, but because musical tastes shifted. It’s crazy, like saying, “Yeah, feeding kids to Michael Jackson is bad, but have you HEARD Smooth Criminal?” Then, ten years later, nobody cared about castrati anymore because of newer music.
RE: Fact #46 (Theology of the Body Revolution) – Yeah, but a lot of it’s just repeating what we already know.
Something way more important, controversial, and interesting is Paul VI’s Humane Vitae encyclical.
RE: Fact #9 (Benedict XIV Failed Castrati Ban) – Seriously, 18th-century life sounds totally dull if missing a castrato at Sunday mass was a big enough deal to risk eternal damnation.
I wonder what else they did for fun. Lots of bear baiting?
That’s weird, saying it so confidently. They probably didn’t ban it because they figured it would kill participation.
Hey, while we’re nitpicking words, it always strikes me as odd to call deceased popes “the pope” instead of “a pope.” Depending on the time period, you could even say “one of the popes”.
So, when they talked about attendance, they really just meant rich people who gave lots of money. Those folks *were* going to church somewhere, but it all came down to which church was the cool one.
When the rich get too rich, you get castrati – boys castrated to sing for the wealthy.
It got even worse when parents tried to sell their kids as castrati after “accidents,” only to find out their kids couldn’t sing a note.
RE: Fact #18 (Pius X Banned Church Saxophones) – So, Pius XII basically said in a 1955 letter that, alongside the organ, other instruments were okay for church music, as long as the music wasn’t inappropriate, loud, or disrespectful to the service or building.
RE: Fact #49 (Ride a Horse in Basilica) – Monks get no special treatment, except they can ride horses in St. Peter’s Basilica. Haven’t seen that happen lately, though. What a waste!
RE: Fact #17 (Michelangelo Mocked Critic In Fresco) – That silliness has gone on for over 500 years! Seriously! 😂
Check out the pic—Minos is smirking, like he’s loving that snake around him. Pretty petty, huh? And to think, maybe it’s a story people will still be talking about ages from now? Hmmm.
RE: Fact #17 (Michelangelo Mocked Critic In Fresco) – Renaissance artists were really into that. A church friar, annoyed by the Last Supper delays, basically told Da Vinci to get a move on. Da Vinci joked back that he was having trouble finding the right face for Judas, but hey, the annoyed friar’s face would work if they were *that* impatient! They decided to let him take his time.
RE: Fact #23 (Papal Tombs Lost In Renovation) – It’s just like what those modern Wahabists are doing in Mecca – tearing down history to build something shiny and new that fits their own ideas about the religion.
They wanted to make the religion fit their ideas, getting rid of anything that wasn’t Wahhabism.
It’s even worse than that. Wahhabis are out to trash Islamic history and culture—everything. They call caring about the past “idolatry.”
The Saudis, when they took over Mecca and Medina in the 1920s, nearly wiped out Muhammad’s tomb. They even flattened Al-Baqi cemetery twice.
And they’re still at it, turning old buildings into parking lots because, get this, it’s all “idolatry.” That giant clock tower near the Grand Mosque? Built to show they couldn’t care less. Showing respect for Islam’s main mosque—not letting that ugly thing overshadow it—would be “idolatry.”
Other super-conservative Muslims are different. Even the Iranian government, as awful as it is, takes care of its old buildings. Unlike Wahhabis, they don’t have a problem with images, even of Muhammad.
The Taliban, Al Qaeda, ISIS—their destruction of history, especially old mosques (Shia ones in particular), is all because of Wahhabi beliefs, not just random vandalism. It’s a planned thing.
That’s totally unfair. The old basilica was a wreck long before anyone started thinking about rebuilding it. Pope Nicholas V started some renovations in the 1440s and 50s, but didn’t get far. Julius II had bigger plans – he wanted a super impressive tomb for himself, which is a bit egotistical, but it wasn’t built during his time. A design competition was held, but it took another 20 popes and 120 years to finish the building.
The new basilica was fancy and modern, sure, but it didn’t change anything about Catholic theology or history. It was just a new building replacing an old one.
Comparing Catholicism to Wahhabism is crazy. Many core Wahhabi beliefs are completely against Catholic teachings. Fundamentalism, for example, is heresy in Catholicism. And Catholics don’t destroy religious art like the iconoclasts did; that was more of a Calvinist thing.
Catholicism might be conservative, but it’s also moderate compared to other groups. Protestantism, remember, started as a reform movement aiming for a “pure” Christianity. That led to some pretty radical stuff, like witch burnings and destroying old church art. Protestants also emphasized the Bible’s infallibility and created strict religious communities, like the Puritans who were kicked out of England for being too extreme.
Islam doesn’t have the same central authority or formal branches as Christianity. Wahhabism is more like the Reformation, but that’s not fair to Protestants, because Wahhabis are way more extreme.
RE: Fact #41 (Cocaine Wine Endorsed by Pope) – But people still whined about absinthe.
RE: Fact #1 (Celestine V Accidentally Becomes Pope) – Wow, his replacement totally undid everything he did and threw him in jail for life. Harsh.
So, this pope digs up the last one, puts him on trial, and tosses him in a river! Then he declares everything the dead pope did was null and void, like he was never even pope. But get this – the dead pope washes up somewhere and starts doing miracles, so the cardinals ditch *that* pope, put him in jail, and bury the first guy properly.
How insecure do you have to be to be scared of a hermit? A guy got locked up for wanting to live totally alone forever.
Loads of kings and emperors have given up their thrones, only to have rebellions try to put them back years later. It’s not about being wishy-washy; anyone who *could* be in power is always a threat.
Playing the game of thrones is win or die. That’s why that monk didn’t want to be Pope and tried to disappear. It’s a death sentence for you and your family if you mess up.
Back then, the Pope was basically a king. Lots of kings offed relatives or famous generals—power’s a crazy maker.
This guy was so popular, they made him Pope even though he didn’t want it! Any Pope after that would feel kinda phony. Benedict stepped down and stayed put for a reason—nobody wants two Popes running around.
That’s a seriously dangerous situation. If a pope and an antipope ever get near each other, boom! Huge explosion.
RE: Fact #21 (1937 Letter Secretly Condemns Nazis) – After teaming up with the Nazis in ’33, the Pope, like Stalin, figured he could control Hitler by focusing on their common enemies. That obviously didn’t work. The Nazis weren’t about sharing power; they absorbed any potentially powerful groups into their party or just banned them. Everything was brought into line – “Gleichschaltung,” they called it. Same propaganda in every paper, every group, from tiny hobby clubs to massive organizations, all under their thumb. No exceptions. The Catholic Church sold out in ’33, hoping to stay independent. Trying to appease the Nazis and play along—that didn’t work for them, or anyone else. Ironically, one Nazi tactic was prosecuting priests for pedophilia and homosexuality. The Church saw the Nazis twisting scripture to fit their agenda, just like they did with everything else. The Nazis were grabbing church power and authority. While we often see the Papal encyclical as a good vs. evil story, it could also be seen as a power grab using moral arguments to boost its legitimacy. It didn’t really help much anyway. Some Catholics resisted, paying the price with their lives, but most went along with Nazism, either out of fear or genuine belief. Today’s religious leaders like to focus on those martyrs, overlooking the fact that most Catholics went with the flow.
RE: Fact #34 (Swiss Guard Died Protecting Clement VII) – Is that what the red stripe on their pants is all about?
So, the uniform’s design dates back to 1914, copying one from a painting of a guard. The red, yellow, and blue? Medici family colours. Pope Clement VII was a Medici, too.
By the way, new recruits take their oath on May 6th—the anniversary of that 1527 massacre.
RE: Fact #24 (Early Popes Mostly Martyred Brutally) – The 32nd pope was the first to become pope after Constantine the Great stopped the persecution of Christians.
That name Constantine? Oof, tough act to follow.
Constantine: Pretty good, actually.
What’s it like being an Alexander?
It’s the opposite sometimes, like being the next Charles after Charles the Fat. Seriously.
He got rid of all the leaves and piles of stuff, so no one could hide and ambush him.
RE: Fact #47 (Jews Plugged Ears at Sermons) – Catholics back then were even snatching Jewish babies. It was like, “Oops, holy water on your kid? The Jesuits own him now!”
RE: Fact #37 (Silver Hammer Confirms Pope’s Death) – So, you whack the pope on the head—three times. Three’s the magic number. Forget four or five.
One, two, five!
RE: Fact #16 (Innocent III Annulled Magna Carta) – I’m a little confused by that “limited to 25 Barons and the King” thing. Lots of parts talk about the barons, sure, but also the Church, all free men, women, Jews – the whole shebang. Bishops and abbots signed it too, and it had support from many townspeople.
RE: Fact #14 (Julius II Shocked Even Machiavelli) – In 1505, Pope Julius II rolled into Bologna to oust the Bentivoglis, who’d been in charge for a century. He also wanted to get rid of Giovanpagolo Baglioni, the tyrant of Perugia. He’d made it clear he was on a mission to wipe out all the Church’s land-grabbing tyrants. Arriving in Perugia, instead of storming the city with his army, Julius—in a seriously bold move—walked in unarmed, even though Baglioni had a huge army ready to defend himself. Driven by his usual reckless energy, Julius, with just his personal guard, basically handed himself over to the enemy, then marched Baglioni off, leaving a governor to run Perugia for the Church. The Pope’s gutsiness and Baglioni’s chicken-heartedness amazed everyone. People wondered why Julius didn’t just attack, grab the loot, and add another victory to his impressive list—especially since all the Cardinals and their riches were right there with him. It wasn’t because he was suddenly good; this guy had murdered his own relatives to get power! The truth is, people aren’t purely good or bad. When something’s big and bold, they freeze. Baglioni, who was happy to be openly incestuous and kill his dad, couldn’t bring himself to seize the chance to be remembered as the guy who showed those powerful prelates just how little they were worth—a move that would have overshadowed his scandalous past.
Julius kept pulling off these impossible stunts using pure nerve, which heavily influenced Machiavelli’s thoughts on morality and politics. It’s a fascinating story. Julius had Cesare arrested, imprisoned, stripped of everything, and shipped off to Spain. After a brief escape and some chaos, Cesare was killed. This was a HUGE shock. The Pope, the most powerful guy in the world, had betrayed and destroyed his ally, the Duke, to whom he owed his throne—a man who had supported him. This was unlike anything before. It was worse than usual betrayals and murders. This went beyond poisoning or sending assassins; it was the ultimate betrayal. Dante’s Inferno reserved its deepest circle for people who betrayed their patrons. Julius had gone way beyond that! It was unheard of. The Prince had betrayed and murdered his best supporter—that’s a huge problem; nobody trusts him, his promises are empty, anyone near him is in danger. The smart and moral thing to do is abandon him. Machiavelli, as a keen observer of politics, knew this, and everyone waited for the morning to see Julius with an empty throne room. But, the next morning, everyone showed up, kissed the Pope’s ring, and life went on—nobody even mentioned the Borgias! It was like it never happened.
Nobody even mentions the Borgias anymore. It’s like it never happened. Everyone’s still kissing the traitor-pope’s ring.
Things never change.
RE: Fact #3 (No Pies Allowed In Conclave) – The Borgias show did a great job showing how those things were used to bribe cardinals during the conclave. It was a hilarious scene, if I remember right.
That show was awesome! I wish they’d made another season. Jeremy Irons was hilarious and scary at the same time.
RE: Fact #11 (Clement VIII Blessed Satan’s Brew) – Coffee shops became the go-to spot for political chats, which the higher-ups weren’t too thrilled about. That’s why lots of places banned coffee early on.
Britain’s the same. Coffee and coffee houses were huge here long before tea showed up.
RE: Fact #41 (Cocaine Wine Endorsed by Pope) – I sometimes question whether that needs to be illegal. I could really go for some Vin Mariani right now.
That’d be awesome, right?
Let’s make operating heavy machinery less dull.
RE: Fact #3 (No Pies Allowed In Conclave) – So, their bribery and manipulation traditions are super interesting—some are even kinda funny!
But the really cool part is their old voting system. It wasn’t just one ballot; it was a tri-fold thing with three parts: who voted, who they voted for, and a secret phrase.
The idea was to keep it anonymous, but if something fishy happened, they could check the “who voted” part to find duplicates. Then, using the secret phrase, they could see who cheated.
This was a common thing in medieval Italy. It wasn’t about catching cheaters so much as making cheating really, really hard.
It’s a neat way to think about elections—they figured people would try to cheat, so they made a system that made cheating almost impossible.
I’ve read this five times and I’m still totally lost!
RE: Fact #5 (Benedict XVI’s Organ Donor Denied) – If you got an organ from a pope who later became a saint, you’d be a walking, first-class relic.
RE: Fact #9 (Benedict XIV Failed Castrati Ban) – I listened to a recording of one of them singing, and it’s seriously creepy and haunting.
RE: Fact #43 (River Consecrated for Plague Dead) – It was pretty clear who everyone blamed for the plague: the Jews. This led to massive attacks against them across Europe. Pope Clement even put out a couple of official statements in 1348 saying the violence was wrong and that blaming the Jews was a lie spread by the Devil. He pointed out that the plague was hitting Jews and lots of other people too, all over the place, so it couldn’t possibly be their fault. He told church leaders to protect the Jews.
Back then, Jewish people were cleaner and healthier, so medieval folks figured it was witchcraft or something trying to get them.
RE: Fact #45 (Nepotism Rooted in Papal Tradition) – High-ranking church officials often had kids out of wedlock—we’re talking “Bishop’s nephews”—so a Pope could basically run the College of Cardinals like a family business, all mob-style.
RE: Fact #31 (Clement VII Backed Copernicus Early) – It’s worth remembering that Galileo’s trial might have been partly because he put the Pope’s ideas about the sun being at the center of the solar system in his book, but gave them to a character named “Simplicio.”
Calling your patron and pope “Simpleton” isn’t exactly flattering, is it?
Basically, Galileo’s model was totally off. When the Pope asked him to explain the discrepancies, Galileo insulted him instead of fixing his model.
That’s interesting! Galileo, while stuck at home, really focused on mechanics—a kind of back-to-basics approach. It turned out to be his best work ever, published in 1638, and it hugely influenced Newton’s physics.
Galileo was a bit of a jerk to those he thought were less intelligent. His punishment from the Pope? House arrest in a pretty nice villa near his daughter’s convent.
Protestants used Galileo to bash the Church, claiming it was against learning.
RE: Fact #13 (Gregory XI Excommunicated Florence Entirely) – Florence totally blew up a bunch of church stuff—the biggest fire sale ever before the Reformation. It was all about a land grab between Florence and the Pope.
It all started with a turf war over Florence and the Papal States.
So that’s why they became “the machine”?
RE: Fact #30 (John II Started Papal Naming) – If I were Pope, I’d go by Hilarius II.
RE: Fact #44 (Pope Quoted Tolkien in Sermon) – Makes sense, Tolkien was a pretty devout Catholic. He was apparently even bothered that C.S. Lewis became Anglican instead of Catholic.
RE: Fact #11 (Clement VIII Blessed Satan’s Brew) – After the Battle of Vienna, coffee became popular with everyone, not just the nobles. The Ottomans left tons of coffee behind when they ran away, and the Viennese folks started selling it in coffee shops. That’s also when they invented the croissant – a half-moon shaped pastry to go with the coffee, even copying the shape of the Ottoman flag! Their ads were pretty bold: “Come eat and drink the Turk!”
RE: Fact #16 (Innocent III Annulled Magna Carta) – It was a big deal because it was the first document to say a king’s power wasn’t unlimited. It put the law above the king.
Wasn’t that the first document to say people weren’t tied to the land, but owned it instead?
It curbed the king’s power, but it was basically a nobles-only club.
RE: Fact #19 (Urban VII Banned Church Smoking) – He had the shortest papacy ever. Malaria killed him. He barely beat out Pope Pius III’s 26-day reign. Pius was already seriously ill with an infected wound when he was elected – everyone knew it. They elected him as a way to buy time while the powerful groups arguing over the papacy worked things out.
RE: Fact #8 (Benedict XII Elected By Mistake) – Back then, it was common for Cardinals to cast a first-ballot vote for someone who wasn’t a serious contender – just to get a feel for where everyone else stood. But this time, things got weird: every Cardinal except Fournier voted for him! It wasn’t planned, so Fournier’s election on the first ballot was a total fluke.
RE: Fact #2 (Three-Year Conclave Ends Roofless) – So, after that, all the Conclaves had these new rules: To speed things up and cut down on outside meddling, the cardinals were locked up the whole time – even their food came through a little slot! They only got one meal after three days, or just bread and water after eight. And they didn’t get their usual paychecks either.
RE: Fact #10 (Innocent VIII Breastfed To Survive) – So, you figure out breast milk is the only thing you can eat or drink? Tried chicken? Nope. Tried donkey dung? Nope. Breast milk? Yep, give me more!
That guy, powerful as he was, was dying. He could’ve eaten anything, I guess, but he decided to grab one last chance at sucking a titty.
Amazing!
I feel really bad for that poor woman who had to feed a dead body.
Back in the 1400s, if the Pope himself had given her a blessing, she’d have bragged about it forever.
RE: Fact #36 (Moon Landing Viewed by Pope) – Could anyone see anything from Earth?
Nope, high-resolution telescopes are a pretty recent thing.
He might’ve seen their crater, but wouldn’t have had the equipment to spot much smaller stuff.
Plus, it would’ve shut up those moon landing deniers once and for all.
RE: Fact #15 (Pope Francis Wed Couple Mid-Flight) – This marriage had better work out.
Seriously, could you imagine getting divorced after *the Pope* officiated your wedding?
Their relationship being so unpredictable isn’t a good sign.
But hey, free Mile High Club membership!
RE: Fact #35 (Why No John XX In Line?) – John XX for the next pope, wouldn’t that be a twist? Let’s throw some chaos into the official files.
RE: Fact #39 (Pope Became Rome’s Relief Chef) – The Papacy’s rise to power in Western Christianity was a huge deal. After Rome fell, the West was completely lost. The Eastern Emperor wasn’t interested in helping, so the West was on its own. Gregory I asked the East for help but got nowhere, so he stepped up. That filled the power vacuum left by Rome’s collapse. Things like the Investiture Controversy just cemented the Pope’s position as the boss of Western Europe.
RE: Fact #31 (Clement VII Backed Copernicus Early) – Galileo got into trouble not because of his science, but because he ticked off important people. The Pope basically sacrificed him to keep up appearances.
RE: Fact #29 (John Paul II Broke Tradition) – So, in 1978, John Paul II became Pope – but get this, he was actually the *third* Pope that year! Paul VI died in August, then John Paul I was elected, only to pass away a short time later. They think he had a heart attack in his sleep. Then, John Paul II took over. Crazy, right? It turns out, having three Popes in one year has happened twelve times before, with 1978 being the latest. There was even one year with *four* Popes, way back in 1276.
RE: Fact #42 (Secret Cardinals Named In Pectore) – Turns out I could’ve been a secret cardinal this whole time! That’d be a shocker, since I’m not even Catholic.
RE: Fact #21 (1937 Letter Secretly Condemns Nazis) – But people who don’t like the Catholic Church still call Pope Pius XII “Hitler’s Pope.”
The Pope sent trains to Germany to help Jews escape, then hid and fed them all over Italy – monasteries, convents, everywhere!
And the Vatican was the ONLY place that gave those Jews passports to leave Europe after the Nazis took their papers. The Vatican, for the first time ever, gave them citizenship papers and travel documents when no one else would – the Church helped the Jewish people escape. But people say, “He could have done more!”
Yeah, well, so could Obama. At least Pope Pius XII didn’t win a Nobel Peace Prize and then bomb civilians with drones. Right. Christians are the bad guys. Sure.
I’m not sure what you mean; Pius XII became Pope in 1939, long after that happened. The whole “Hitler’s Pope” idea mostly comes down to one guy’s book that got slammed by almost everyone. Still, he might have been too scared of Hitler to do anything bolder.
Your tone was a bit intense, but you were good until you brought Obama into it. It makes it look like you’ve got other things on your mind besides getting the history right.
The Vatican was pretty much powerless. Stalin put it perfectly: “How many divisions does the Pope have?” Not many, that’s for sure. Maybe a couple of volunteers, but that takes ages and wouldn’t be much help in a fight. Both Pius XI and Pius XII hated Nazis and Communists. Hitler had some heavily Catholic areas under his thumb, and he wasn’t keen to mess with them. So the Pope could do a lot, as long as nobody could prove it was him. And he did—they hid people everywhere. But making big, public statements against the Holocaust would’ve stopped them from helping people in secret.
I’m not sure about that Obama thing either.
The Vatican helped a lot of people get away, even Nazi war criminals.
RE: Fact #42 (Secret Cardinals Named In Pectore) – So, random thought: Is there anything the Pope’s actually *not* allowed to do? Any specific no-nos for the job?
RE: Fact #39 (Pope Became Rome’s Relief Chef) – The Lombard invasion wrecked Italy, causing a huge food shortage and refugee problem. Gregory couldn’t get help from Constantinople, so the church stepped in. He even figured out a way to keep track of supplies—a really advanced system for its time—and sold church land to pay for it all. He also had food delivered to the sick and disabled, regularly shared meals with the poor, and even blamed himself when someone died, feeling like he was responsible.
People were doing accounting stuff long before anyone even thought of making it official.
RE: Fact #5 (Benedict XVI’s Organ Donor Denied) – Anyone want an 88-year-old kidney?
RE: Fact #24 (Early Popes Mostly Martyred Brutally) – Typical Medieval: Total War stuff. So, the Pope’s upset I whacked his precious French king again? Hope he doesn’t trip and fall…