Hemorrhoids

Everyone currently has hemorrhoids. They’re just not inflamed. St. Fiarce is the patron saint of hemorrhoids. He miraculously cured his inflamed anus by placing it upon a blessed rock. The stone survives to this day, imprinted with his holy hole, and many still flock to it hoping to cure themselves. It was once believed that if a person did not pray to St. Fiacre, they’d suffer from hemorrhoids. To treat them, the monks put a red-hot iron up the anus. To never experience inflamed hemorrhoids in your life, you should avoid sitting on the toilet for too long, straining, and holding your breath while making bowel movements.